Entries tagged with † alfie solomons

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video } I'm dancing on my own I'll make the moves up as I go

[There’s a preteen girl in a yellow, blue, and black sweatshirt and goggles peering at the camera. She has a wolverine on her head. Yes, an actual wolverine.]

Hey, Jonathan! Look, we have fans!

[She lifts one of the wolverine’s paws in an awkward wave. He’s remarkably good natured about the whole thing.]

Hi fans! I’m Gabby. This is Jonathan. But you can call us the Honey Badger and… [A beat. She pulls Jonathan off her head and squints at him.] What do you wanna be called? Jonathan’s your real name. [A beat as Jonathan makes grunty grumbly noises. Gabby gasps.] Nope, I’m not calling you that! What about we stick with the Unstoppable? [More wolverine grunty noises.] Okay, okay, if you're sure. Jonathan the Unstoppable it is.

[She hoists Jonathan back on her shoulder and flexes an arm, posing for the camera.]

Don’t worry, Honey Badger and the Jonathan the Unstoppable to the rescue!

[She beams and Jonathan licks her face.]

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💣 015 | text

WANTED: 1 courageous soul willing to run weekly shopping errands for this week and the next. Buyer will be compensated for purchased goods and for time spent. Must be able to follow a list. Must have more patience than I do for the modern American custom of swarming the shops en fucking masse during the week before Christmas. Thank you.

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011 ✿ Video

[ Raina, although appearing just as beautifully dolled up as ever, looks tired. Exhausted. No amount of concealer can stave off how restless her nights had been. ]

I realize no one has yet to announce their ambassadorial intentions, and perhaps it's too soon to do so on my end. Or maybe it will get swept up in the spirit of the holidays.

[ A frown. Bah humbug, on her end. ]

For those who may not know, I had been aiding Ambassador Baal during his final month in office. Since he ported out, I have been serving as De Chima's interim ambassador -- seeing his projects through to fruition and preparing things for the next ambassador to take his place. I will be running, of course. But I will more than happily aid whoever takes up the position in making sure things change hands as smoothly as possible.

In the meantime, I can take care of any concerns or questions you may have in regards to De Chima or my campaign. I won't bore you with a big long speech. The things I stand for will be covered in the debate, more than likely. But I do welcome questions here.

[ She idly fluffs a bouquet of flowers sitting on the stand next to her, studying them for one pensive moment before making eye contact with the screen. ]

For all these years I have been here -- four, this coming April -- I have seen so many people port in and out of this world. But does anyone have any theories what may cause someone to return to their world for good? It seems like when someone ports out, it's a fifty-fifty shot of them coming back or being gone completely. Yet somehow, I feel like we instinctively know when they're not returning, don't we? No matter how much we may hope otherwise, we just know. I wonder if it's intuition...or perhaps something scientific. I'm curious to hear your thoughts...

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text; un: Ash Starmer | Green Newman

I've been thinking about pet ownership. Or... Maybe not ownership. I don't want to get a pet then port out and leave it behind. But fostering a pet. Taking care of a living thing, and having some sort of companion nearby. It seems nice.

The problem is, there's loads of kinds of animals that need homes. I'm having trouble deciding between dogs, cats, birds, lizards, hamsters, mice...

Does anyone have any advice for a first-time pet owner? Or... pet fosterer?

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VIDEO | 04

[As the camera turns on, your eyes are immediately directed towards a massive pile of leftover Halloween candy spread out over a table. At least, most of it is Halloween candy, and some of it is really good, like those peanut butter cups and little candy-coated morsels. But there's not a lot of quality control here, so some of it is terrible Halloween candy, and some upon further inspection is not Halloween candy at all.]

[In fact, there's some Christmas candies as well, including those really good hazlenut chocolates, and a few peppermints. There's also some of those mysterious strawberry hard candies that old ladies keep in candy bowls, tiny boxes of raisins, and... cough drops? Yup, those are cough drops. At the edge of the screen, a pair of mouse are helping themselves to one of the oddities, a small bag of peanuts like you might find on an airline.]

[And then there's Allura, sitting at the table with a pout of discontent on her face. After all, she had been invited to a Halloween party at the last minute, and she didn't have roommates to stay home on Halloween, so...]

If I had known I wasn't going to be handing out any Halloween candy, I would never have bought so much.

Particularly since I can't feed most of this to my mice. [As if on cue, a bigger, chubby yellow mouse picks up a bag of sour gummies and starts inspecting it — and without looking, Allura reaches over and pulls the bag out of his tiny little paws.] In fact, some of it I'm not sure if I ought to be eating.

This one is made with boiled animal bones, and coated in dried, powdered acid. It's supposed to be so sour that you will start crying in pain. Is this actually supposed to be a 'treat'?

[She gives a long sigh.] What am I supposed to do with all this? No matter how dubious the ingredients are, it seems like such a waste to throw it all away...

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text - no images

Hypothetically speaking where could I go to get some stuff

All legal and probably only a couple would need (completely unnecessary) permits

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003; video;

[ Today must be a day for shitposting, because Kanan's got one too. ]

You know, the text thing doesn't usually give me much trouble. The devices have a pretty good voice-to-text and text-to-voice function on them. Unless you're typing a bunch of abbreviations, they can be hard to parse sometimes. The letter "y" seems to be either "why" or "yes" depending on the context, for instance. Still haven't figured out "L O L".

I even get some of those... what do you call them, "emojis". The device will tell me if there's a little smiling face or a finger pointing to the left or whatever, that's fine. Right up until there's a bunch of... vegetables? I don't know a lot of the vegetables on this planet. What even is an "eggplant", and what is "eggplant sweatdrops"? Are you watering your vegetable garden?

[ He's asking the tough questions. ]

10th Oration // Voice

I have a task available for any imPorts looking for work. A simple retrieval, quite legitimate.

[An image of the item in question is attached.]

Something was taken from me earlier this year. A weapon I crafted with my own hands, long ago: my lightsaber. A curved hilt, which emits a red blade of energy when activated. Powerful and elegant, if wielded by the proper hands. It is past time that it returned to my care, and I am prepared to offer a most handsome reward to anyone who assists me in this task. Should we be unable to agree on a fitting financial compensation, I am quite prepared to trade in favours or information instead.

[Dooku is kinda broke right now.]

Rest assured that I desire this item for no sinister purpose. It is my own creation and rightful possession, and I have keenly regretted its absence during recent perils.

I encourage all of you who don't have some manner of weapon or suitable powers to think carefully of how you, too, can defend yourselves. We live in dangerous times, and our enemies are many. Tell me, are you prepared to protect your own life and the lives of those around you when danger threatens? The time may come for you, if it hasn't already, when you will have to answer this question in ways beyond the hypothetical.

[OOC note: Characters tagging the Count for the first time are encouraged to check out his permissions post!]

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☂ [Video]

[Oswald has earned enough doing actual legitimate work (plus one lucrative murder) to buy himself a second, well appointed suit. He's wearing it now and adjusting his cufflinks, then his cravat in the mirror before he turns to the phone and smiles politely.]

Hello again, everyone. I'm in need of the services of a reputable assassin. If you are one or know one, please contact me.

[A pause and then an 'oops forgot to mention, how silly of me' look.]

Right, this isn't Gotham. I should be specific. My needs are all above board, I assure you. No actual killing involved.

[Today, anyway.]

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video;

[ Hi, imPorts. It's your resident Poe Dameron, here, bored and yet also worried about people he can't help, flying in a tin can back from Mars. So he's here to distract himself, and probably you, with inane conversation.

At least he has a handsome face. ]

Okay, so, if anyone else is like me, they're damn tired of losing friends, and are probably starting to feel like their friend pool is shrinking way too fast.

Well, okay- I heard about this study, right, where you can make really good friends with people by asking each other a series of progressively invasive questions. I have no idea what those questions are. Apparently they start out real simple and then get tougher and tougher until suddenly you know each other better than anyone.

Honestly it sounds kind of like bantha shit, to me, but also kind of fun? So I figured - hey, why not, let's play a game.

Here's the rules. You say hi, then someone else who has no idea who you are says hi back to you, and then you guys answer a bunch of questions. You have to be as truthful as possible or it doesn't work, so you can private the messages if you want, but the key here is to make friends, got it?

Uh - maybe someone should actually figure out what the questions are supposed to be. But I think maybe just wing it? Or if you want, I'll put up a text comment thread, and everyone can suggest dumb questions they would ask people when they wanted to suddenly be their best friends, or something.

[ Yeah. He's bored. ]

You can also just tell me what a dumb idea this is, that's fine too.

[ He's about to disconnect when he pauses and says: ]

Oh - and if anyone wants a date with a really cute pilot who isn't me, hit me up. I'd link his dating profile but we're still working on it.

[ The feed winks out. ]

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[Video]

I disagree with the public's decisions and it was a very poor showing, however congratulations to the new Ambassadors of Maurtia Falls.

You will have your hands full dealing with the corruption there. Even if your campaigns were not so focused on dealing with it, that does not make it disappear. Bribery and gifts can only take you so far.

As for myself, I will leave this area and seek a less unpleasant place in which to take up residence. It remains a shame that we cannot generally travel off-world to seek better planets, apart from these rare missions. Your galaxy is very limited.

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003; Video

So mind telling me what you lot have been up to these days to piss off so many people across the cities? And mind telling me why you lot can't sit still long enough without doing something that interrupts the normal lives of imPorts?

[ She shakes her head, mildly chastising and mildly annoyed. Seems things don't change. They only escalate. ]

I swear, if I port out and return again, I don't expect there to be much of a world left.

[ With a sigh, Maeve settles onto the edge of her bed -- one leg crossing over the other. ]

Now, then. I know all of the basics about this world. No need to clog up the feed with that nonsense again. So how about we do a little role call instead. Who are you and how long have you been here? And if you've been here a while, have you found anything meaningful in this universe?

Seems with how fickle the porter can be, there's no point in getting attached, is there? And yet, are we able to really prevent the fondness we find, the bonds we make?

[ A pause. A thoughtful, solemn pause. ]

Are these feelings any less valid simply because we will return to our worlds without memories of our time here? I suppose that's a bit of food for thought.

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💣 015 | text

piss shit fucking bloddy basterd

[It's like high-tech graffiti! How exciting. That stays up on its own for a while, but it's eventually joined by another message.]

Wood plancks and rope needed. Money is no objeckt as I am a rich pirate with lodes of cash. Must be delivered here to morsha falls independint housing with delivery fee negotible.

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1. DO YOU FOLKS LIKE COFFEE????

Hi, everyone, my name is Alphonse.

I'm really interested in the ways this world is different from my home, but there's already something I've found that I can't figure out. Let me explain.

I was given a job helping to promote a metal band, so I've been spending some time with them and getting to know them even though I don't know much about promotion, and they're filming a commercial right now.

Is there some kind of association between metal music and coffee? Because it doesn't seem to me like they have a lot in common.

Also, the coffee they're advertising for says it has the legal maximum amount of caffiene in it. That can't be healthy, can it?

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video.

[ The camera comes on to a man kneeling next to a dog in a park, holding the communicator at a selfie angle. The man looks Japanese, with chin length black hair and a thin beard, wearing casual, cheap clothes. The dog looks like a shiba inu, with grey markings breaking up the black fur on his face, like a malamute. He'swearing a green neckerchief and by all appearances is a very good boy.

So how has anyone dared to imply otherwise? ]

I've only been here for a few days, so I'm still getting used to how things are here. It's little things, for the most part. Maybe I was just never responsible for a dog before, or that some dogs just don't seem like the type to need someone to be responsible for them. [ But mostly because it was someone else's responsibility, probably. His fiancee's, most likely. ]

Did you know that dogs aren't supposed to be out in the city without a leash? I don't know if that's just De Chima or all of this...America. [ That's the name, right? He gives the dog a good rub behind the ears. ] But it's a little counter-intuitive to tie down a messenger like that. Umbra here's a free roamer, he goes where he needs to, through whatever blockade is in his path. A leash couldn't stop him even if I wanted it to.

[ He smiles and rises to his feet, while Umbra perks up at suddenly being left out of the shot. ] I should introduce myself. I'm Noctis, and--

[ Umbra lets out a few barks from offscreen, which gives Noctis a startle. He looks down at the dog in surprise. ] What the hell?

[ The camera swings off him as his hand drops, then goes black. ]

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02 | Video

As a professor, whenever a holiday comes, it's always an opportunity for learning, and today happens to not be an exception, despite the personal nature of the holiday.

I suspect there are not many who celebrate such things, but perhaps it is a nice time to speak of them, considering it's father's day. I'm reflecting on fathers of myth, of course, not real ones -- but, ah, if you need someone to listen, I am, of course, here to listen.

There are, unfortunately, not a terribly high amount of good fathers in mythology, at least from my world. Sometimes, if you think of yourself as a poor parent, you can at least remember that you are no Zeus, or Hiranyakashipu. One was merely...devoted to sowing his progeny around Greece, as we all know, but Hiranyakashipu attempted multiple times to murder his son, because he worshipped a god he hated. [ A soft chuckle, and a shake of his head. ] I worried about moving too much, with mine! I suppose things could be worse. Then again, there is also Cronus, the god who ate his sons, [ he starts ticking on his fingers, ] Tantalus, Izanagi, Abraham...

Well, we're not short on those, are we? [ A soft chuckle, and a shake of his head. ]

I suppose there's something to be said, when we consider ourselves bad parents, yes? Not that we should ever excuse ourselves. [ A beat. ] I suppose I'm just...thoughtful, today. Moreso than I thought I would be. [ Another pause. ]

Are there others out there, who are thinking of things like this today?

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Video, open

A little PSA, if you will.

As my esteemed employer has currently reverted back to a more footloose and fancy free life-stage, he has generously dumped the management of his business in my lap.

[Sinjir waves his hand vaguely at the truck behind him.]

So for the time being, please contact yours truly for all your moving needs.

Also, I could really use a little help over here? I'd rather not have to resort to using any arachnoid labor, because no one wants a horde of big hairy spiders moving their furniture, especially not me. So, please. Allow me to enlist your services. For the sake of everyone's peace of mind.

004 | Video (Backdated to 11:05pm Tuesday June 5th)

[ Starr kicks off the video in Chilton's office, sitting at his desk. Chilton's nameplate has been replaced with another one reading: Dr. Herr K. Starr ]

It seems Doctor Chilton has ported out. So until further notice, I will be taking over the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for Abnormal Conditions. Staff is to immediately report to me for evaluation and policy updates.

For the time being, we will not be accepting patients unless in the most dire of circumstances -- in which case, I will be able to implement shock therapy. In my humble opinion, such therapy does work best when placed upon ones genitals, but I will leave that up to the patient.

[ He pulls out a notepad, puts on Chilton's reading glasses, and picks up an entirely too fancy pen. ]

Now simply because we will not immediately be taking patients does not mean we cannot get you in the system. So let's start this with the basic question most psychiatrists are sure to ask: what is your deepest, darkest sexual fantasy?

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text.

I'm selling an old hatchback. $200, which is about how much I got it for. It smells like dog and has what might be a bullethole on one seat, but it runs without too much noise.

["Hatchback". That's what the salesman called it, right? The American word for an estate car? Come on fam, help her keep the lights on this month, she really doesn't want to move back into government housing.]

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1. [text]

23 Reasons The World Is About To Implode And It's imPorts' Fault

24 Reasons The World Is Awesome And It's All Because Of imPorts

Which Two Heroes Are You Most Like? TAKE OUR QUIZ!

Check Out This Emotional Reunion Between A Man And His Giant Pet Spider

Guess it's nice to know that the clickbait's pretty much the same, no matter which world I end up in. It's tempting to submit a few articles like this and see if they bite, since the government has me working as a horse groomer, a thing I know exactly nothing about.

So, I'll start off by saying hello. I'm Diane, and I'm new here. What would get you to click on a headline?