[04] Voice

[kingpawn]

[ So even though the feed opens up, Walt doesn't talk for a moment or so. There's a sharp inhale and it's accompanied by a piteous cough. And then after a couple minute pause, he starts talking -- sounding rather relaxed. ]

Today was my birthday.

[ A beat. Nonchalant. ]

But it's also my death anniversary. How many people can say that? Their life came a full and complete circle, starting and ending all on the same day? I mean, what are the chances? Pretty crazy, that.

[ Another brief pause. Another follow up cough. When he speaks, his voice is a little strained. ]

I mean like, this whole world. What an insane concept, right? To think that our own individual worlds are just this tiny fraction of all the different worlds out there -- some with crazy powers or vampires or Satan. We have Satan. Does anyone ever stop to think about that? How Satan has a TV show? I mean, I guess...what a better way to say welcome to hell than Satan with his own TV show. I've never actually watched it, mind. But I imagine it probably involves burning people alive.

But following that thought -- I still think this place is hell. I mean, I can't be the only dead guy walking here, can I? And it's definitely not heaven. My therapist called it purgatory once.

[ A beat. ]

Purgatory is kind of accurate. Sometimes he knows what he's talking about. All of us just sitting here and waiting -- to either go home and die for good or to do whatever it is we do here. I mean, we can't die. There's a definite statistical likelihood that we come back to life if we get killed, so do we age? I'm 53 today, but am I not really 53? Am I eternally 52 until I die again? Do I die again? Or do I just live an endless loop of my life -- dying, coming here, dying coming here until some otherworldly being makes up their mind?

Maybe that's what Satan's show is about. Collecting as many of us that belong in hell and dragging us back with him. That's a pretty morbid thought, isn't it?

[ So why is Walt laughing. Why is Walt laughing like it's the most hilarious thing in the world? Why is he laughing at all? What was he laughing at again?

The laughter dies. ]

What was I talking about again? [ But it's lost. ] Anyway, I just want to know. Is there anyone else out there who died? Bonus if you died on your birthday. Might be good to talk about it. Therapeutic. And I'm here to listen. We can talk here or in person. If anyone wants to go with me to get birthdeath day breakfast for dinner, that could be a thing. That we do.

Comments

voice;

[itistolaugh]

Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming, you jerk!

voice;

[kingpawn]

I don't know. Slipped my mind? You got me a present, anyway.

I'm wearing it.

[ And nothing else, probably. ]

voice;

[shuckit]

This place isn't anywhere close to hell.

[ to thomas (and newt, teresa and minho), this place was a godsend. if god was ever really something they put a lot of stock in to begin with. ]

For some of us, this is the safest place we know. [ two of those people mentioned both died before even reaching 18th birthdays for completely absurd, completely cruel reasons. this place gave them the chance at life they should've had. his ass this is hell. every time that's suggested, thomas gets the urge to slap someone. ]

And Satan sure as shuck isn't in charge here. [ hi lucifer he hearts u too ]

voice;

[kingpawn]

The safest place you know. Not to be confused with the happiest place you know. Can you believe Disney's in Alabama? That's... I still can't wrap my head around that.

[ It's cool, Thomas. Walt doesn't mind that hostility at the moment. Everything is swell. Why are they talking about hell again? Ohh right. ]

Purgatory. Pur. Ga. Tor. Y. Can we agree on that much?

[Audio]

[hands4healing]

I don't understand. Who's Lucifer?

[A pause.]

And happy birthday, Mr. White.

I was dying when I came here. I found out I survived...the transmutation was reversed. But what I remember was dying.

[Audio]

[kingpawn]

Just, you know. The devil. King of evil.

[ TOTALLY NONCHALANT. Like it's no big deal that kind of thing is in this world. ]

Thank you. For the birthday wish. And what had happened to you? If you don't mind talking about it.

private;

[slightlyoffchilt]

How are you so torn between this indulgent martyr complex and your profound loneliness?

private;

[kingpawn]

You're like this jackal. Always jumping all over the scraps of what I say.

[ And that's totally okay with Walt. ]

Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?

voice;

[112ounces]

This place is a purgatory, no doubt.

voice;

[kingpawn]

So what'd you do to land yourself in purgatory?

voice

[rathercommon]

[ Wow, that's a lot to tell a bunch of strangers. ]

Have you...talked to someone about all these thoughts? Like - I mean - your therapist.

voice

[kingpawn]

[ Oh, Kitty. That's hilarious. And Walt laughs outright at that. ]

But I am talking to someone. Many someones. It doesn't have to all be confined to one therapist. My therapist didn't even get me a birthday card.

[munies]

[ Teresa sure has thoughts about how this place isn't really hell, but she sees Thomas already brought it up and man, this guy sure doesn't need a double dose of that. however- ]

Therapeutic? It doesn't sound like you need much help coping with your death.

[ the sarcasm levels are low, for once, even if there's still a bit of it there. he just doesn't sound like he needs help dealing with things, that's all. and Teresa's the last person to just ignore that kind of observation about a person ]

Though I've been wondering about the aging thing, too. I've been here for almost a year, but I died when I was seventeen. I don't know how I feel about celebrating my eighteenth birthday, whenever that is. ... Or was. It probably already passed.

[kingpawn]

I often have a....a um....what's it called? That thing. Where you have a hard time dealing with --

Existential crisis. Yeah, that. I often have that. Don't let this post fool you.

[ But a longer pause. A pause where it takes him a moment to focus. ]

You don't know when your birthday was? Did you just forget it or did you never know?

voice; private

[infomodder]

Aside from debating whether hell is real or not in the worlds that do know him, you're forgetting there are multiple worlds where he doesn't even exist. As a concept, as a name, nothing. He has no sway.

[here 2 harsh ur buzz...privately]

Happy birthday.

[Privately AND politely, wow.]

voice; private

[kingpawn]

[ Hi, Will. Hearing your voice doesn't even give Walt pause. ]

Thank you. But he means something to you, doesn't he? I mean, you have a thing. For that type of thing. Right?

voice;

[oceanthief]

There are worse things than dying.

[and wouldn't Lapis know all about those. sometimes it feels like she's on a one way vacation to finding every single one of them.]

Is that something humans think about a lot?

voice;

[kingpawn]

I think out of fear of dying, we think about it a lot. And out of anger that we can't stay dead, we think about it a lot. But most of the time, we try not to even think about it. Because we fear the unknown.

voice;

[coppelganger]

Wait. You're—? But what about your kids?

[ Shut up, Sarah, just shut up. ]

voice;

[kingpawn]

I can only hope they'll come here. So I can see them again.

voice;

[flamels]

You -- shit. Not sure how close to 'dying' you could really call being pulled to the Gate in using alchemy. But -- for me that'd be....four times? And one more that hasn't yet happened for me. Besides that there was one other close call but I haven't actually died. Do I want to know what happened for you?

[Because. Science bro, 53 is pretty young. Considering what he knows of somewhat more modern medicines and abilities to thus keep people alive for longer around here and presumably similar back home for him in comparison to Ed's 1915 Amestris.]

voice;

[kingpawn]

[ Oh. Ed. What a terrible life you've had. Every conversation makes Walt wonder how you're not in an institution from half the stuff you had to deal with. ]

I think I'm convinced you're pretty much an immortal.

As for what happened to me, it was illness. Cancer, more specifically. I don't know if you've heard of that.

text;

[schrader]

[ Because he's not cool enough to keep his shit together in video on the network while bullshitting Walt. ]

Still can't imagine. Knowing that?

[ Knowing you're gonna die when you return? What's THAT like? Clearly Hank has no idea.

No he definitely couldn't have faked that on video, not well enough to fool Walt anyway. ]

But you need to stop being so goddamn morbid on here, it's your fucking birthday. So come over after you're done being a sad sack at dinner. Got something for you. Remind you there's still something to celebrate, huh?

[ This will go well. ]

text;

[kingpawn]

[ Walt is grateful for the text at the same time he's not grateful for the text. Because he has to actually concentrate to type. ]

You didn't have to get me anything. But I'll stop over for sure.

Text;

[orions_shadow]

Shakespeare died on his birthday, yeah?

I don't think this is hell, there's no reason to think that other than Lucifer being here. But a cosmic dumping ground? Maybe.

In my world there is a technology that allows trans dimensional travel. Some days I wish I were important enough for them to come look for me, but I'm sorta a nobody back home. Nobody is looking for me and life is much better here.

But I understand you thinking it's hell too.

Tomorrow it could all turn upside down and become hell for us all.

Text;

[kingpawn]

Welcome to purgatory. The world caught between heaven and hell. Hopefully it doesn't swing in Lucifer's favor.

But you never know.

text; private

[restingstitchface]

"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows."

Considering your present state, I believe it's advisable for you to lie down.

[Have some Socrates quoting, Mr. White. Happy birthday.]

text; private

[kingpawn]

[ Wow, Crane. That's pretty meaningful and deep right there. And Walt rereads it a few times, making a few connections. ]

I am laying down. But that's a good quote.

text - ID reads Kid Flash

[runningstart]

walt

man i didnt know you died back home

text

[kingpawn]

It's not really a big deal. Not anymore.

I mean, here I am, right? Living again.

voice;

[textualhealing]

[Well that's pretty morbid. But also super interesting to know.]

I wasn't invited to your birthday drinks?

voice;

[kingpawn]

I didn't really plan on having birthday drinks.

Or celebrating.

In any manner.

private, voice;

[lackey]

[Mike Parker didn't think much of the drinking in his underwear video Walt White posted. Mike Parker only shrugged when Walt White went on to post another video of himself being openly weepy about some imPort friend of his leaving.

Mike Parker is now listening to an obviously high Walt White talk about life and death and the devil and how his therapist once told him this place is purgatory.

A very small and very dim light bulb flickers on somewhere above Mike Parker's head.]

Happy B&D-day, Boss.

[Mr. Eighty Million isn't totally right in the head, is he.......]

private, voice;

[kingpawn]

[ Oh, Mike. ]

Thanks, Mike. I'm not sure how one goes about celebrating this double occasion. Like....I guess on someone's death anniversary, we remember them how they lived. But does that count if that person's still living?

[ But you know. Getting high seems like a good idea. ]

voice;

[grimreaping]

Everything comes full circle eventually, although I admit it isn't normally so neat to happen on the same day.

voice;

[kingpawn]

What are the odds, I wonder? I mean, I think a lot of people'd probably choose that. A full and complete circle to their lives. Ending where it began.

video;

[angelfire]

Rude. It's a very nice show about babies, and puppies, and important social events among our greater imPort community - get it - with my acerbic commentary, of course. You should have seen the last De Chima episode, it was a... [ Gas? ] --soulful, touching affair; very tasteful.

[ He's very animated as he says this, hands twisted together, eyebrows jumping up as he says "tasteful". ]

But Purgatory. I could tell you about it if you like, but it's nowhere you have to worry about. Only twisted things go there--the souls of monsters. [ The quickest wink in the history of winks. ] Not really a problem I see you having.

video;

[kingpawn]

Hellspawn. Hellhounds. Hell on earth? Reading between the lines here.

[ Mildly amused, though. ]

So what do you view this place as, then? If not purgatory. Curious.

[ A beat. ]

About your input.

voice;

[forcewound]

Dying on your birthday, now that's a downer.

[ And coming back from the dead afterwards...yeah. ]

And I guess you could say that one man's Hell is another's Heaven? I don't know, we don't really use that terminology back home.

voice;

[kingpawn]

Seems there are a lot of people who really, really like this place. Which is just...

[ Word. He's looking for a word here. A word that conveys how absurd and ridiculous and bizarre this world is. ]

Weird.

[ Nailed it. ]

video;

[brushoff]

[ 'is there anyone else out there who died' hoo boy does he have stories to tell you, Walt.

also, ew, gross 53? why would you tell people that ]

Which time?

video;

[kingpawn]

[ We can't all be a forever young and pretty 200 something or however old you are, Dorian. ]

Are you implying this happened to you a few times?

[ Taking a moment to digest that. ]

Here?

[ But even so.... ]

How unlucky are you?

[ video ]

[enucleation]

Purgatory, hell, heaven. Different dimension, whole new world. It's just names, in the end, isn't it?

And people give Satan far too much credit. I don't think he needs to drag our souls anywhere, neither does god. We can drag ourselves. We have been dragging ourselves since we came to existence. [ saying it's god's ir satan's fault is a lot easier, isn't it? ]

[ video ]

[kingpawn]

We're responsible for us while we're alive, I suppose.

But when I died -- there was just nothing. I ceased to be. Like a dreamless sleep. It was nice. Pleasant.

And then I woke up here.

[mightthinkthat]

[Does he recognise what's happening here. Well, it's slightly different, given that nineties' technology doesn't allow for seeing it on camera. But otherwise? Yeah, this is familiar. And useful.]

Happy Birthday.

[Now that that's said:] I would imagine Lucifer would have more work to do, if this were hell. And Earth has rather more pain to offer, wouldn't you agree? I'm talking about a rather mundane world, comparatively.

But I suppose, the real question is, if this is purgatory, are you going up? Or down?

[kingpawn]

[ What a question that is. And there's a prolonged pause before Walt branches off into an amused laugh. A laugh that lasts a little longer than necessary. ]

Dunno. I guess we could consult the expert? Maybe that's a segment on his show. 'Am I going to hell or am I safe?'

[ His mouth works over the words slowly, still amused. ]

Anyway -- I'd like to hope Purgatory isn't so much about where you're going, but the chance to decide that for sure. A chance for redemption. If redemption's possible.

audio;

[hisheartsdesire]

Not really sure what I think of this place, though I like it well enough more often than not. Anyway, I don't know how therapeutic it'd be for me to talk about death, but if you need to get something out, you can go right ahead.

audio;

[kingpawn]

My death wasn't all that exciting. It was just a lonely old man dying of cancer. I had plenty of time to gear up for it.

But have you died too, then?

[illuminescent]

You are-

I-

[She makes a small noise, just a little distressed.]

I did not know.

[kingpawn]

Oh, Lucy. No. Don't be upset. It's fine. Really.

[ It's not fine. Walt looks for a chance to die every day. But he can't stand his not!daughter sounding so distraught. ]

I was blessed. I had two years more with my family than I thought I would when I got diagnosed with my illness.